Daylight Robbery

I'm friends on facebook with some of the people that I used to go to church with when I was younger. The ones who didn't betray me and stab me in the back. In general, I have fond memories of church, because I choose to remember only the good... and it was good until towards the end. But, oh how much I regret how brainwashed I became. I'm literally embarrassed of some of the things that I did... the frequency I allowed myself to become vulnerable and emotional... the things I thought I was doing wrong and felt immense guilt for. These things aren't right.

So when these old church people invite me to these "Stand up and fight for Christianity!" or "I'm a proud Christian!" groups, I, of course, deny entry and don't want anything to do with them. I'm not a Christian, and I'm not religious. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God and most of the Bible, and say my prayers most nights before I go to bed... but I don't see the point in singing about Jesus all the time and crying your eyes out, or stalking people down in the streets and forcing your religion on them.

I think that God wants us to worry more about how we treat others than how we treat him. Everyone pretty much knows the whole schpeel about God at this point, and I don't think he wants us to cram it down peoples throats. I think that if God is really all-knowing and all-loving, that he would get more satisfaction from watching the people that believe in Him succeed in life, and help others, fall in love, make friends, etc. along the way. He doesn't need us to suck up to Him, just to respect him.

So, I'm done with the propoganda and I won't be back at church til I have children, because I want them to get the moral and faith based education, and learn the Bible stories, and have a solid foundation for life... but once they get older... they'll be able to choose... because I wasn't... whether or not they want to continue to go to church...

Amen.

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

It's extremely hard to celebrate love and feel loss at the same time. It's like your heart is twisting itself in all these different directions and you're just trying to keep up. One minute you're crying, the next you're laughing... and it's okay, because everyone else is doing the same thing.

A few days ago, a really good friend of mine passed away. It was something we all had thought we were prepared for... he had been in the hospital for a month and a half. But you can't really prepare yourself for that kind of thing. His calling hours were Tuesday night, and they were the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. It's easier when someone old dies... but when someone my age dies... it just seems unfair. Amidst the sorrow and pain I felt, I exchanged memories with friends... and laughed while crying. After the calling hours, a bunch of our friends went to the bar to celebrate his life and to grieve. Everyone shared this same feeling... even with the people I had never met who were there... I felt connected to them.

Today, I read a blog one of my best friends wrote about this friend that died... she didn't know him, and the blog wasn't really about him, but more about how she wanted to live her life more fully because of the stories we told about him.

That he can inspire people in his death makes me even more proud of his life.